Money

In an earlier post I wrote about the importance of maintaining your acquaintances' anonymity in e-mails, and maintaining their contact information in confidence. In addition to maintaining the anonymity of one's contacts, a gentleman should also maintain any monetary information in confidence should he happen upon it. Furthermore, a gentleman should never reveal how much money he has or how much he earns; with the obvious exception being to his accountant. First, it's of no one's business but your own. Second, no good can come from it. As mentioned with name dropping, those who matter won't care, those who care don't matter.

My father-in-law was in town recently. He hasn't really seemed to warm up to me: thus, I confess, I wasn't particularly looking forward to his visit. The last time I saw him was at our wedding. I mention him here because he provided me with plenty of footwork experience at side stepping his questions regarding a recent promotion I received. I admit I was expecting this line of questioning, as when my lovely wife, beaming with pride, told him over the phone I had been promoted. I knew he was asking how much of a raise I got due to the way she continued the conversation. Fortunately for me, my wife happens to view this subject the same way I do, it's none of his business.

Throughout the weekend I was questioned from many different angles about the raise I got, and how much I had in the way of savings. And at each question I politely gave a vague answer such as "Well it's not enough to shop for a new Ferrari." "Is it enough for your daughter to stop working? That's a bit irrelevant, she's not ready to stop at this point." When questioned about my investments, I just mentioned that I had reallocated them in the past two years and was very pleased with their performance, averaging near 20%. This was the only time I bothered to mention a number, as he has no idea how much I do or do not have to start with, and I admit a little bit of pride in that number (not bad for a novice) caused me to let it slip. (Remember I never said I was the perfect gentleman.) That also seemed to calm him down, as after that his questions about money subsided. For those of you who are thinking that he's just being a protective father, read on.

Why, you may ask, aside from being private, do I not share these details with him? For a very good reason. If I were, everyone he talks to would know. An example will provide the best evidence. My brother-in-laws girlfriend borrowed a small sum (think in terms of Micro Loans for women in developing countries) from him two years ago, shortly after finishing her graduate degree, while trying to find a job. Until that was repaid we constantly heard him go on about how he had lent her money. She has since repaid that tiny loan, and now has a decent job with a good salary, and again we now constantly hear about the salary. I'm sure if she knew that we were being told on a regular basis how much she earned she'd be horrified. And that is why I don't share my numbers with him.

Along a similar vain, every two or three years I'll hear the press shout about how much Wall Street's bonuses are for the year, and I'm always amazed. Not at the enormity of the amount, that never surprises me; instead I'm surprised about how open they are with it, practically sending out press notices on the matter. The amount of money being paid in bonus to brokers, etc. really is a proper time for them to respond with "Our focus is on helping our clients reach their goals, therefore we pay our brokers a competitive salary and bonus to ensure that we retain the best people to meet that end." To do anything else is the equivalent of them pulling down their zippers and holding a ruler there. I do apologize for being so direct, but sometimes even a gentleman must call a spade a spade.