Anonymity

After an entertaining brunch I've decided to write today about anonymity. A Gentleman should respect every one's privacy as much as possible. That entails a number of things:

e-mails:

• putting all recipients of a mass e-mail in the "bcc" section so that addresses are not displayed to everyone in your contacts list
  
• when forwarding an e-mail removing the information about the sender, unless you are giving credit to the sender for their efforts

telephone, address & e-mail:

• never giving out an acquaintances number to someone without being asked to do so by the owner of the number
• if a gentleman feels that someone he knows could benefit from contacting his acquaintance he should first contact the acquaintance to see if they are comfortable with their information being handed out; the exception to this being those in sales who rely on their contact information be made available to suitable business contacts
  

in person:

• should a gentleman find himself in a situation where in he is introduced to someone he has previously meet, perhaps under less than ideal circumstances, he should act as though he has never meet that person before unless the other party makes mention of their meeting first
• if the gentleman finds himself meeting someone taking pains to avoid recognition (i.e. baseball hat pulled down tight over head, etc.) the gentleman should then avoid calling attention to that person, and again act as though he doesn't know who it is.
• what should the Gentleman do if he's the one trying not to be recognized but is? Graciously thank the person for recognizing you and ask if they wouldn't mind doing you a favor, then explain that you're just running a few errands and you'd appreciate it if they'd keep it quite. If asked for an autograph, provide one, it might help with that favor you just asked. After doing so, quickly finish and then make your way out of there.
  

Further a Gentleman never "name drops." We all have friends of various levels of importance in their industry, community, etc. and under no circumstance should a gentleman name drop for the sake of making himself seem important. It generally only impresses people who don't matter, and those who matter won't be impressed by your lack of propriety. In fact such a display could cost the Gentleman a number of his acquaintances and contacts or worse, his employment.

What should the Gentleman do if his name is "dropped?" That, as all things do, depends on how you've come to hear of it, and in what context it was dropped. An example from my life. Shortly after having dinner with a couple my wife and I know, and a couple they knew, one of the new couple began saying to people "well my friend who owns 'such and such' says..." This made it back to me by way of the person saying it, to which I replied to her in a joking way that "yes, naturally my opinion on 'this or that' is immediately more valuable because I own 'such and such'" and we laughed. In other situations it's important to just come right out and tell the person name dropping that you don't want your name being mentioned anymore.

Of course should it come back to you from others that your name is being dropped. Apologize for any trouble caused by the name dropper and acknowledge where you know them from, if you do. (i.e. "Terribly sorry, I only know him/her from work (chance meeting, etc.). I do apologize for any trouble they caused you.")

This is by no means a comprehensive list of scenarios, but it should give you a good foundation to work from. The best policy to ask yourself, would I want what I'm about to do, done to me? Yes, that is a version of the "Golden Rule", but it works doesn't it? BTW that isn't to be confused with the Rule of Gold, where s/he that has the gold makes the rules.

Technorati Tags: Gentleman, name dropping, privacy